Well played, Ma

Yesterday, my mum bought me diamonds.
Today, she made me cook.
Well played, Ma.
I hope my generosity and tact equals yours when I am 59.

Photo Booth Fun

Just another day with my dad.
P.S: I was truly that excited.

Rock the Boat

BB: What should I do when I become rich?

Me: Buy a boat.

BB: ... And then rock it? 

Me: Yeah.

Conversations with My Mother

This morning...

I've just stepped out of the shower and my mum's wrapping up her morning yoga.
She's probably weighed herself and left the weighing scale out.
Naturally, I go stand on it to check my 'progress'.
The scale reads a little lower than the last time I checked, which was about 2 months ago.

Conversation ensues...

Ma: How much do you weigh?
Me: Same. 41. No wait, the last time it was 43.
Ma: You weigh as much as a child. I was 50 kilos when I got married.
Ma: Ok, then wait for me to get to 50 and then get me married. Hmm?
Ma: *silence*
Me: *wide smile*
Ma: *abounds with everything that spells hopelessness*

I'm a Simple Guy...

BB from here, here and here went from,

"I'm a simple guy.
A for Apple, B for Balls"

to,

"I'm a simple guy.
A for Apple
B for Big Apple
C for Custard Apple
D for Double Apple
E for Enough Apple
G for Goan Apple...
...
Oops!"


Funnytimes at the work place.

Why I love James Franco

Of all the Oscar 2011 backstage pictures that James Franco posted of himself, I love these 2 the most.
The latter even more than the former.
© James Franco

P.S.: I'm dead sure he was blown throughout the ceremony.

Pointing out my uncool...

... while discussing Cee Lo's F U

me: do you like this song because you dig black people singing?
ols: baby no one uses words like dig anymore.

Black Swan

Some guy at work just gave me a DVD Rip of 'Black Swan.'
Only, I'm not sure it's the same version and I'm too afraid to open it at work to find out.

For Toto

...
Who took off for a DXB vacay today.
And will spend New Year very far away from me.
Again.
But will magically find her way through the congestion, to my phone at 12:01AM on January 1st.
As always.

Some Ships Sail

For Saki,

Who asked me to draw him something,
Just after his ship set sail,
So unknowingly.

True Love is...

...When someone says, "Sweety, there's something coming out of your nose. Either it's that nasal spray liquid you just used or... uh... Here! take a tissue."

The Pot

The guys in office are just back from an hour at the gym.

Me: Someone told me that pot helps you lose weight.
Saki: No that’s not true, it makes you put on weight!
Me: Really? Why, because you get hungry and then you hog?
Saki: Yeah.
Me: Oh!
Saki: Unless you smoke a strain of pot that kills your appet…(Sam butts in)
Sam (butting in): Uhh. No. Such. Thing.
Saki: No no, maybe there is…
Me: So what’s the point of this? You guys slog at the gym, come back up, smoke and then hog.
Avi: But you know, pot helps build your body.
Me: What crap!
Saki: No way dude!
Avi: No. Really. See, when you smoke it, your muscles relax and then they get more time to recuperate and essentially, your body is built largely when your muscles are relaxed, right?!
Saki: What?! No man!
Avi: No no. Seriously. I'm not kidding. Arnold Schwarzenegger swears by it.
Saki: Arnold Schwarzenegger?!
Avi: Yeah man! And look what happened to that guy…
Saki (looking into the distance): Yeah…
Avi: He became governor!

What Superpower Would You Want?

Regular Friday night in office, debauchery and discussing Superpowers we'd like to have...

trippyhippy: I want to be so strong, so incredibly strong just so that I can break people's faces!
basakbabies: Aye how stupid. You don't need a superpower for that, you need a baseball bat!

"Put them in the fridge"

Routine conversation with BB

Me: See my calves are so strong. Touch them.
BB: No.
Me: Why?
BB: Howcome you dont have that thing...
Me: Nail polish
BB: Ya. Nail polish...on your toe nails?
Me: Coz i took it out and didnt have time to put it back
BB: Howcome?
Me: Coz it takes too much time to dry and you have to sit still till it dries and all...
BB: Which is hard for you to do.
Me: Yes.
BB: Put it in the fridge
Me: What?
BB: Put your feet in the fridge
Me: Like? Lie on the floor and have my feet inside
BB: Yeah. Lie down, and chill on the floor till it dries
Me: Ya, my mother will kick me out of the kitchen if I do that
BB: Ya, you should get married
Me: What?! Why?
BB: So that you can buy your own fridge and put your feet inside it. Then no one can say anything.
Me: O yaah!

I paint so much better...

I paint so much better when I'm in love. Or in like. Or driven by my affection towards the object of my affection.
Is this a good thing?
Who cares!
I love the outcome.

I swear...

... I kissed all the boys but they wanted more.

Sometimes I wish...

Sometimes I wish the objects of my affection had tails so that I could tell the extent to which they like me.

Pillows

While watching TV,
In the yellow blue room,
To the ceiling, we’re a T,
At perpendiculars, for me.
I almost fall asleep,
With my head on your stomach, when,
I remember that I hate pillows, always,
Except then.

On Dressing like a Boy

Servicing Guy + Servicing Lady + Pregnant Servicing Lady + Copywriter conversing at work

Servicing Lady: She needs an intervention. She said something like “I like dressing like a boy and I'm totally loving confusing my sex right now" yesterday.
Servicing Guy: Why?
Copywriter: Someone tried to grope her when she was in a rickshaw a few days ago.
Pregnant Servicing Lady: What? That doesn’t happen.
Copywriter: Well…it happened to her!
Pregnant Servicing Lady: What? Really? It’s never happened to me.
Servicing Guy: You’re just not that hot.
Pregnant Servicing Lady: Maybe not right now.
Everyone: *awkward silence*
Pregnant Servicing Lady making a comeback: But mine are bigger. Right now.
Everyone: *awkward silence*

End of Conversation

What the Servicing Guy forgot to say: Yeah. But not bigger than your tummy.

Consistency

Excerpts from down, dirty and damn straight (convincing) conversations with the ols while making plans to watch lame detective shows together before diving into a week of family time and festivity.

# This morning I’m wearing an ass you want to eat for breakfast everyday

# My ass will turn your knees to jelly

P.S: It worked. Ass power.